what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
