how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
