this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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