Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
