I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
