do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I can text with my tongue
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
