I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
