I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
