I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
They left me at home... I'm a liability
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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