I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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