you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
