i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
