i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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