A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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