I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
