No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
that may or may not have been my penis.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
