what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
