$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
