Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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