At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
