your thong is hanging out like whoa
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
