haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
