it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
