shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
