I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
