My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize