he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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