Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
