I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
