I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
