You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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