So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize