Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
