yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
what day is it and did you see me today?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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