So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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