I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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