I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
