member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize