im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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