remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
