captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
