i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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