Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
