We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
