i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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