Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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