the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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