Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
