dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
