all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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