I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize