Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
