sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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