He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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