i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I think people are normalizing furries
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
