We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
