life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
