Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
