For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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