at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
