what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
