Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
