If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
