Just cropdusted the office
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
