Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You've changed since you got that strap on
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize