youre lurking in front of me
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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