Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
