I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
