Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
