omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
