I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
